The difference is you

This summer hasn't turned out at all like I expected. I remember thinking a few years ago, when I was learning what it meant to not have complete control, that sometimes things work out better if I'm not the author. That got me thinking about whether I could trust God to be in control and Author a better version.

I'm also thinking now that any plans I make for myself will be inherently tentative because God is the only one who knows my life to come. I'm the kind of person who likes change; I like having new hair and moving my couches around. I'm not as comfortable with my life changing, but I can still remember that uncertainty only lasts for a while and that the other side is from God.

When summer started, I did not make tentative plans. I knew what I had to do. Unfortunately, I did not cooperate with myself - actually, myself went the opposite direction. Nearing the other side of summer, I look back to see a time of walking in the desert, being exposed to myself, having to decide what's important to me and seeing again that God is writing something beautiful with my life.

God begins to feel closer. Or should I say, I'm slowly opening up to him. My stubbornness is slowly leaving, in large part because God gave me two gifts that I didn't deserve. I'm reading again and how much I love it. My fundraising has all come in for the trip- so apart from extra expenses, I can relax.

Beth told me last week that there are times when an option becomes available to us, that it becomes the only option. I still choose music. I don't feel like there is any other option for me at this point - because I still love it, I still want to know if I can do it and I still want to risk something. The change is that it may not happen quickly and that I may just have to persevere. But I'm not giving up.

This weekend my dad is flying me to Calgary, taking me for supper before Phantom of the Opera and putting me up in a hotel for my birthday. And Beth will be here. And I'm getting a surprise in the mail. Can it be Christine?