Canadian Idolatry

Forgive me first of all for having very little energy or motivation to post in the past while.

Forgive me second of all for the time I will spend talking about Canadian Idol. I have many thoughts about the whole thing of course but I will share only a few. As I approached the end of my second audition, the very nice judge said to me, " I think you have a really cool vibe to your voice and you would do well writing songs that showcase what you can do, rather than trying to sing somebody else's songs." With that I left and later I realized what I had been ignorant about before: They're looking for someone 'original' enough to stand out, and 'conformed' enough to sing other peoples' songs in a new way. Be like someone else, but not too much or you won't stand out enough. I saw Theresa alot. She sang for us and did alot of interviews. She is very talented and I know exactly why she made it as far as she did: she can sing, she can play her guitar, she can look cute and she can win over hearts. She can also romance people who give her what she wants, and not give the time of day to people who have nothing to offer. God knows what he's talking about. The whole country has been seduced by someone who has fit perfectly into a pre-determined mold and done it well and looked good doing it- and yet it's a shallow kind of success where unknown people get left behind and empty-handed people get ignored. I'm sorry for my negativity, but I expect alot more than that from anyone labelled Saskatoon's Sweetheart.
I didn't make it through the second round like Rachel and Alexa. Initially I wasn't that upset cause I felt like I was in over my head even getting to the second audition. But then something familiar set in- it's called feeling left out. I've spent a large part of two days really hurting because I was the only one out of the three of us who didn't make it that far. I've acted foolishly and said insensitive things having been engulfed in such a horrible feeling. It's a very blessed time when you recognize God's protection and care with completely open eyes. How untrusting, silly, guilty, immature I feel for the way I react. How much I have to learn when it comes to God. Sometimes I like to feel hurt more than I like to trust God or let him help me feel the right thing. Most of the time after I pray, I forget what I've prayed for and I develop a blindness to the ways in which God will answer me. The truth is that I never could have handled being in front of those judges. I am fragile when it comes to all the things that it involves: self-image, value, self-presentation, drive. God knew this and my reaction was jealousy and anger and hurt. But I feel so thankful that God spared me and I feel so loved and protected by him. I feel humble that I consistently over-react to the wrong things and that our great God goes about his plans to shelter me and do what's best in a world we don't understand. He offered me a great and beautiful gift by exposing me to encouragement from producers and keeping me from things that would crush my spirit.

A few weeks ago I was at school meeting a friend and I was waiting in an office. A counsellor in the office was helping a girl who had some mental illness that made it difficult for her to be reasonable and function normally. When the girl left, the counsellor proceeded to go into another office and laugh and joke about the girl with other people. I felt sad that our world has developed services and provided help for people because it's the right, political, moral thing to do and gone and left it up to people who don't really care, or who think it's a big joke, or have better things to do with their time. There's a big opportunity for us here to pick up the broken pieces from worldy efforts to show God's love and to be transparent and real to people who see one-sided efforts everywhere else.

How great is our God.